I have been dealing with CFS symptoms for about 5 years now, diagnosed 1 year ago. I had a counselor tell me about 4 years ago that I have an unusually strong empathy for others. He also told me that having such strong empathy can be very draining.

I, like you, don’t believe that merely having strong empathy with others causes CFS. Just as I don’t belive that working too much or having too much stress causes it. There are plenty of people who live with stress and don’t get CFS. I think there is some physical weakness that causes us not to be able to do as much, fight off infection as well, or feel as strongly as others without severe physical penalty.

My brother died this past December and at that time I was bedridden. He was developmentally disabled and I used to help care for him in my home on weekends. We were very close. I purposely tried not to let myself grieve for him because I knew that it would be so draining on me that I may never be able to come out of being bedriden.

Although with the help of family and a transport wheelchair I did manage to make it to the memorial service, it took me over 15 days to get back to the level of functioning I had before going. Healthy people were saying that it was the motional impact of his death that set me back so far, but I know as do all of you with CFS, that any small amount of physical exertion can be devastating to someone with CFS.

Now, 9 moths later, I swing between periods of being bedridden and having some periods of time where I have been able to leave the house without penalty if someone pushes me in the wheelchair (to save energy) and only stay out for an hour or two. And I limit trips out to onece or twice a month. Although I still miss my brother, I don’t allow myself to dwell on that and I try not to do things that remind me of him becsue I can’t spare the energy for grief.

When I search empathy and CFS, I find plenty of information on how people with CFS need others to understand and empathize with them. I feel that need myself and notice that many people seem completely self absorbed or unwilling to understand. But that’s not why I’m here…

My husband is going through a difficult time, and it occurred to me today that I always tend to be an emotional anchor for others. He was telling me how much stronger I am than him (he meant emotionally), and I realized for the first time that that may be true in a way. I have had CFS for 15 years and I firmly believe that it is a physical condition, but I never realized how much I internalize other people’s emotional pain. Its almost as if my body translates all emotional stress into physical symptoms and leaves me emotional level for the most part. Don’t get me wrong, though, for the last three years my condition has worsened and with hormonal changes and what not I feel emotional roller coasters like anyone. I just seem to cope better or recover emotionally better than some people… or maybe I just have had a uncommonly large proportion of emotional wrecks for friends… (I mean that in the most endearing way)

I guess my point and question is do many people with CFS feel that they have strong empathy for others and feel that that could be part of their energy drain because of the need to be supportive of others? Does that question make sense?

Today is the first time I have come across your site.
My bestfriend, 15 years older than me, lives in another country
and it was only last night that she told me that what has been making her suffer 5 years ago is what is making her suffer again now–and that its name is CFS.

I feel so devastated knowing that I am unable to really help her with anything since we live thousands of miles away from each other. I was able to witness firsthand how she would go from an energetic, “normal” condition to a very weak one in such a short period of time. There were times when she would drive and at traffic stops, instantly recline her seat and lie down as if all her energy had been drained. She had palpitations, she held me hand very tightly at times even when we were only sitting.

I cannot imagine what she, you and all other CFS sufferers are going through.. I really want to help her, but I am not sure
if what I will say will come up as insensitive. She also does not want me to pity her.

Could you please let me know how I can be of help to her, encourage her whenever I call her up?

Warm regards from the Philippines,
Rachel

I have just read your post, is it too late to help you about your project ? I am a CFS sufferer and if I can be of any help to you, please do let me know.

Hello Catherine, I’m glad I found this forum. I’m 25 and still an under graduate university student ( or rather struggling to be one ;-p ) and I was officially diagnosed with CFS yesterday but I’ve been struggling with this illness for years now. I’ve always known something was wrong with me. Always tired and repeateddly failing classes when initially I was one of the best students in class. But what was the hardest part was that I was labelled as being lazy when I claimed that I was having serious concentration and motivation problems. When I finished high school and started working, after about 3 months I was dismissed because of poor performance. Again I said that this wasn’t normal and again my closed ones thought I was exaggerating.

I would like to know how other CFS sufferers haved coped with academic difficulty and the social stigma and prejudices that they are bound to know.

I’m so glad that after so many years of struggle, I can now put a name on what I have and I can now identify myself with others who like me are doing their very best to deal with this condition.

My Very Best Regards,

Diane

I think our society has become to much of a “ME,ME,ME” society and empathy has been forgotten for so many.