People With Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Don’t Want Your Sympathy, They Need Your Empathy.
Posted by Catherine Morgan on March 9, 2007
picture by © mynippleshurt123
HAS THE WORLD LOST IT’S EMPATHY? — by Catherine Morgan
We all see the news, and feel badly about the wars, the starving, the homeless, the poor, and all the other sad things we are seeing on television. On a smaller scale, we all know people with hardships, going through divorce, struggling with health issues, having financial problems, and many other difficulties affecting our families and neighbors.
When we hear all these stories, we feel great sympathy and sadness. But, I think what we don’t do, is feel empathy. To feel empathy, you have to be able to put yourself in that other person’s shoes, and feel what they must be going through. True compassion comes from a place of empathy, not sympathy. In fact, most people don’t want our sympathy, and I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way. What I am saying is that people don’t want us to feel sorry for them, they want us to have compassion and empathy for them.
I’m pointing this difference out because, we need to see that without empathy our sympathy is just a judgement, and being judgemental is never helpful. When we can “truly” empathize with the hardships of our neighbors, our families, and others in our lives, we are then in a position of compassion and kindness towards them. Even if we are not in a position to alleviate the struggle of the person we are empathizing with, we will be conveying compassion towards them and not pity. While your pity is a judgement, your compassion is a kindness, and kindness is what we all need in our lives.
I would challenge you to look at your own life, and see where you are sympathizing without empathizing. Then allow yourself to feel the feelings. I’m not saying that this is an easy thing to do. Empathy, is most definitely the harder of the two feelings. But, when you can push yourself past sympathy alone, you are a better person, a better friend, a better neighbor, and so on, and so on.
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On a larger scale, if the world can find it’s empathy, it won’t be in danger of losing it’s humanity.
picture by © ehirschenberger
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ALSO SEE:
INFORMATION ON CFS THAT YOU CAN PRINT OUT AND GIVE TO YOUR DOCTOR, WRITTEN BY DOCTORS, FOR DOCTORS.
VIDEOS THAT EXPLAIN CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME, YOU CAN PASS THEM ON TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY.
MUSIC VIDEOS THAT I LIKE, AND THAT CAN MAKE YOU FEEL A BIT BETTER ON A BAD DAY.
TIPS FOR LIVING WITH CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME.
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axinia said
You are 100% right, Catherine! – nobody really wants the sympathy.
The difficulty in empathy I find is how to try what the person feels if you never had such expereince?
Many experiences people make are similar, but some are not. How to feel what you dont know???
Great picture of Earth out of two hands!!! Thanks for sharing it!
Catherine Morgan said
Thanks “Axinia”
I know that no person can really “feel and understand” completely how another person is suffering. It is more the “act” or “action” of making the attempt, and trying to understand, that I believe is most important. Most people don’t even try to understand, they simply rush to judgment…I would love to see the day when this is the exception and not the rule.
Thanks for your comment.
bookbabie said
Nice Blog Catherine!
Catherine Morgan said
Thanks “Bookbabie”
justordinary said
Great post! I have some health problems here and I don’t seek sympathy. I want empathy if you give anything at all.
I think our society has become to much of a “ME,ME,ME” society and empathy has been forgotten for so many.
Catherine Morgan said
Thanks for your comments “Justordinary” — I’m happy you liked the post.
Jordan said
Hello Catherine,
My name is Jordan Winters and I live in Shallotte, North Carolina. I am a senior and is currently working on a senior project about CFIDS. I am also in desperate need for a mentor. Rather than a doctor I would like to be able to communicate with someone who is actually experienceing this debilitating disease. I would not have to meet you all I would need is to communicate to you through email. Please write me if your interested in helping me and if your not interested I wish you the best of luck with your life.
Sincerely,
Jordan
Diane said
Hello Jordan,
I have just read your post, is it too late to help you about your project ? I am a CFS sufferer and if I can be of any help to you, please do let me know.
Hello Catherine, I’m glad I found this forum. I’m 25 and still an under graduate university student ( or rather struggling to be one ;-p ) and I was officially diagnosed with CFS yesterday but I’ve been struggling with this illness for years now. I’ve always known something was wrong with me. Always tired and repeateddly failing classes when initially I was one of the best students in class. But what was the hardest part was that I was labelled as being lazy when I claimed that I was having serious concentration and motivation problems. When I finished high school and started working, after about 3 months I was dismissed because of poor performance. Again I said that this wasn’t normal and again my closed ones thought I was exaggerating.
I would like to know how other CFS sufferers haved coped with academic difficulty and the social stigma and prejudices that they are bound to know.
I’m so glad that after so many years of struggle, I can now put a name on what I have and I can now identify myself with others who like me are doing their very best to deal with this condition.
My Very Best Regards,
Diane
Rachel said
Hello Catherine,
Today is the first time I have come across your site.
My bestfriend, 15 years older than me, lives in another country
and it was only last night that she told me that what has been making her suffer 5 years ago is what is making her suffer again now–and that its name is CFS.
I feel so devastated knowing that I am unable to really help her with anything since we live thousands of miles away from each other. I was able to witness firsthand how she would go from an energetic, “normal” condition to a very weak one in such a short period of time. There were times when she would drive and at traffic stops, instantly recline her seat and lie down as if all her energy had been drained. She had palpitations, she held me hand very tightly at times even when we were only sitting.
I cannot imagine what she, you and all other CFS sufferers are going through.. I really want to help her, but I am not sure
if what I will say will come up as insensitive. She also does not want me to pity her.
Could you please let me know how I can be of help to her, encourage her whenever I call her up?
Warm regards from the Philippines,
Rachel
Kimberly said
I just found this site and haven’t yet explored it, but a question has been bothering me today that I can’t seem to find an answer to.
When I search empathy and CFS, I find plenty of information on how people with CFS need others to understand and empathize with them. I feel that need myself and notice that many people seem completely self absorbed or unwilling to understand. But that’s not why I’m here…
My husband is going through a difficult time, and it occurred to me today that I always tend to be an emotional anchor for others. He was telling me how much stronger I am than him (he meant emotionally), and I realized for the first time that that may be true in a way. I have had CFS for 15 years and I firmly believe that it is a physical condition, but I never realized how much I internalize other people’s emotional pain. Its almost as if my body translates all emotional stress into physical symptoms and leaves me emotional level for the most part. Don’t get me wrong, though, for the last three years my condition has worsened and with hormonal changes and what not I feel emotional roller coasters like anyone. I just seem to cope better or recover emotionally better than some people… or maybe I just have had a uncommonly large proportion of emotional wrecks for friends… (I mean that in the most endearing way)
I guess my point and question is do many people with CFS feel that they have strong empathy for others and feel that that could be part of their energy drain because of the need to be supportive of others? Does that question make sense?